


Hikaru no Go Crackfics and Drabbles

by boobsmckenzi



Category: Hikaru no Go
Genre: Crack, Drabble, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-26
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 21:29:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 3,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19364413
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boobsmckenzi/pseuds/boobsmckenzi
Summary: These are Hikaru no Go Crackfics and Drabbles that I wrote. Each one was written in an hour or less.





	1. Why Are We Talking About This?

Akira and Ogata were cruising down the road in Ogata’s shiny red sports car. Akira seemed to notice something was amiss about Ogata. “Ogata -san, is everything alright?”  
“...No…” he carefully answered.  
“Why don't you tell me?”  
“Since you're so determined to know, I'll tell you; people keep calling me a pedophile.”  
“I can see where they’re coming from; you do kind of look like one…”  
“Not helping my case, Akira-kun.” he quickly cleared his throat, “Anyway, I’m definitely much better than those pedophiles. I mean, they’re not even classifying me properly. At the worst, call me a hebephile, but pedos are a disgrace to people like me. But I would prefer to be seen as an ephebophile.” he finished his mini-rant, earning a confused look from the passenger.  
“What's the difference between the three?”   
“A philia is an adult sexual turn on. A pedo is for those four to ten, Hebe for eleven though fourteen, and ephebo for fifteen through nineteen.” he finished explaining as they arrived in front of the Go Salon. He earned a nasty look from the younger male. “It’s not nearly as bad as an infantophile, ages three and younger.”  
They walked in and the boy asked, “How did we get on this topic in the first place?”  
“You asked me what was wrong and I told.”  
“You are disgusting.”  
“And there is only one person I have my eyes on.” He tried to qualm the other’s fears.  
“Who?”  
“I’ll give you a hint, you already know him really well.” He left Akira behind and he ran to catch up, demanding more answers.


	2. Wow… That's an Awful Way to Go

Ogata was in his apartment, staring at the ring on his pinky finger. “Why do I never take this off, again?” he asked no one in particular. He seemed to be lost in thought, almost as if he was having one of those really long flashbacks that happen a lot in shounen mangas. “Oh yeah, my mum said that if I ever take off this ring, I'll die… there’s no way that's true.” He pulled the ring off and instantaneously keeled over.  
When authorities found him dead, they were completely confused on what caused him to kick the bucket so early on in life. They did many tests and found nothing that could have caused his untimely death; they closed the case a year later.


	3. Maybe I Shouldn’t Have Done That

Ishikawa was working at the Toya Go Salon, as per usual. She pulled out a small box, kind of like the ones that have a slice of cake in them in everyday life animes. She also pulled out a fork. Opening the box, she reveals a piece of chocolate chiffon cake. She takes a forkful and shovels it into her mouth. She lets out a content hum as the taste melts in her mouth. She had an odd look on her face, as if she was regretting eating the slice of cake. She fell backwards, behind the reception counter. There was a loud, but odd, sound. Akira, curious as to what the sound was, walked over. He looked and let out a horrified scream, so high pitched you’d mistake him for a little girl, at the sight. He fainted, the back of one hand touching his forehead, causing Ogata to call for an ambulance.  
When the ambulance arrived, they put Akira in the vehicle. That was when everyone noticed the horrifying mess behind the counter: Ishikawa’s body blown to smithereens.


	4. Stuck in a Loop

I, Toya Akira, was talking with Shindo Hikaru. “So, how about we go get some ramen?” Hikaru asked.  
“No! We’re not getting ramen again!” I complained.  
“Okay f--!”Hikaru tripped and fell on his face.  
“Are you--”  
“Yes, I’m fine.” Hikaru got up and we continued walking until he asked, “So, how about we go get some ramen?”  
“I already told you, no, we’re not getting ramen.” I replied, getting a little mad.  
“But this is the first time I ask--” He tripped and fell on his face.  
“Are you--”  
“Yes, I’m fine.” He got up and we continued walking. “So, how about we go get some ramen?”  
That was when I realized, to my horrour, that I was stuck in a time loop. “Sure, but no miso.”  
“Wow, it’s surprising for you to relent that easily.” His eyes widened.  
“But next time, we get sushi.”  
“Ok. I have somewhere in mind.”  
“Where?”  
“It’s pretty close to my place.”  
“It’s already late as is, I don’t want to return home late.”  
“Alright, fi--” This time, Hikaru ran into a lamp pole.  
“Are--”  
“I’m okay.” He rubbed his face a bit and we continued walking. “Wow, it’s surprising for you to relent that easily.” His eyes widened, again.  
“Where?” I sighed, noticing I was stuck in a loop, again.  
“It’s pretty close to my place.”  
“Fine, I’ll just have to hurry home. Also, watch out for the lamp pole.”  
“What lamp--”He directed his attention forwards and stopped mere millimeters from colliding with the pole. I dragged him to the side and we continued walking. “Thanks.”  
“What is the place called?”  
“Kimochi.”  
“...”  
“They have ramen and sushi, but the sushi isn’t nearly as good as the places you usually want to go to.”  
“Fine.” I was honestly in a foul mood from all of the loops.  
He ran ahead of me and yelled, “Come on, Akira-kun! Let’s run!” He ran a little bit more and was run over by a moving truck.  
I continued walking past the intersection and hoped that a loop would happen. I looked to my right and Hikaru was walking with me once more. He looked at me weirdly and I noticed I’d have to initiate the conversation. “What is the place called?”  
“Kimochi.”  
“Do they have anything besides ramen?”  
“They have ramen and sushi, but the sushi isn’t nearly as good as the places you usually want to go to.”  
“Alright. Fine. But if you run and ask me to run after you, I’ll just return home.”  
“Fine.” He let out with a huff. The moving truck went past without hitting either of us and the looping continued all the way until I returned home.


	5. Who Are You?

A young man with long flowing violet hair walked into Toya Koyo's Go Salon. “Hello, is Akira-kun here today?” He asked the receptionist.  
“No, but he’ll be here soon. Is this your first time here?” She tilted her head to the side.  
“No, I’ve been here with my student before.” He shook his head. He wrote down his name and was about to fill in his level when he asked, “Should I really put down my skill level? It would, surely, make Hikaru mad… I’ll just leave it blank…”  
“Oh? Do you not know your skill level?”  
“I know my level, but it would stir quite a bit of controversy and I don't have any physical proof.” With a snap of his fan, he hid the lower half of his face. With his other hand, he placed down ¥700. He walked in and went to the back, where there was a game left out. “Did Akira-kun play this game with Hikaru?”  
“Yes. How do you know Shindou-kun?” Akira asked.  
“I'm the one who taught Hikaru how to play.” The man reminisced, “I remember when I first met Hikaru, he wanted nothing to do with Go. Ah, but the two games we played then were quite enjoyable and I would love to see how much you’ve grown over the half of a year I’ve been gone.”  
“I'm sorry, sir, but I've never played against you.”  
“You remember the first time Hikaru came here and you let him in for free?”  
“Yes?” Akira looked at him skeptically.  
“I was so happy that he would, finally, let me play Go, even if it was against a child and you were trying to play a teaching game against me. Ah, you and Hikaru were so cute and small back then.”  
“How do you know about that?”  
“Hikaru is my student, I was standing right behind him and telling him where to place the stones.”  
Akira seemed creeped out. “How? Without anyone noticing?”  
“Do you believe in spirits?”  
“... No…? Who would believe in something as stupid and baseless as that?”  
“Then I have no reason to tell you.” The air between the two grew thick. “Shall we play?”

After their game was over, Akira asked, “Are you SAI: The Saint of NetGo?”  
“I am Sai, but I am no saint. I liked being able to play a variety of people from around the world, even if it was not face to face.” The young man said as he snapped his fan closed.  
“Then why did you stop playing NetGo?”  
“I was no longer able to play.”  
Akira's eyes widened. “What caused you to not play?”  
“Do you believe in the supernatural?”  
“Don’t change the subject.”  
“Do you believe or not?”  
“What does that have to do with Go?”  
“Hikaru was right, the world has changed a lot since last time, but people and Go have remained nearly the same for over 1000 years.”  
“What?”  
“Being one of the Emperor's Go teachers was absolutely splendid! Of course, I got to teach the prince literature and teach Go to the ladies at court.” The man reminisced, “The prince said that I should always wear lots of purple because it looks good on me and matches my eyes and hair. He’d even tackle me and force me into his clothes. Oh! And Torajiro was a very sweet young boy when I met him, only 8 years old and had so much potential for Go. I got to be with him until he was in his mid-thirties. I got to watch him get married and he let me play a lot of games. Then I met Hikaru about three--”  
“How old are you?” Akira asked, completely out of character.  
“Do you believe--”  
“Yes!”  
“1142.” Akira literally grabbed the table and flipped it.


	6. Is That All For Today?

“Welcome to Hell Mart.” Hikaru greeted from behind the counter as Akira walked in.  
“Hikaru?! I didn’t know that you worked here!” Akira exclaimed.  
“Yeah, my mum said that playing Go Professionally is not a real job and that I should get a real job… so here I am, working at Hell Mart: where the deals are so great that you might think you’re selling your soul to the devil.” Hikaru sighed. Akira, slightly uncomfortable, walked around the store and got what he needed. He placed the basket of items onto the counter and Hikaru rang them up. Hikaru whistled as a box of condoms emerged from the basket, “Ooh! I didn’t know that you were going to get laid. Who’s the lucky lady? Or should I say ‘man’?” He wiggled his eyebrows.  
Akira was an absolute sputtering mess. “My big sister asked for them!”  
“First off, I know that you don’t have an older sister. Second off, why did you lie. And Third off, why did you refer to her as ‘big sis’?”  
“I-I-I’m her host brother while she stays here for the academic year.”  
“Yeah, right, sure…”  
“I’m serious!”  
A small foreign lady with the most luxurious locks of hair, dazzling eyes, a bright smile, and excellent fashion sense, and a hot body walked in. “Aki-chan! I was worried about you! You were taking so long and I was getting worried!” She hugged him and made it extremely obvious that she was shorter than him.  
“But I was getting held up by one of my coworkers…”  
“... oh… so you’re Shindo Hikaru… I heard from a purple flower that you were quite a brat…”  
“Purple flower? Don’t you--” He had a stereotypical anime realization animation happen behind him. “How do you know him!”  
“The same way you met him, over a Goban.”  
“But what are the condoms for?”  
“... Do you really want to know?”  
“... Yes…”  
“Getting mineral deposits off of the sink taps.”  
Hikaru took another look in the basket. “Were the instant noodles for you as well?”  
“Yes.”  
“What else was for you?”  
“... It’s not in the basket…” She directed her attention towards Akira. “I’m glad I came, you wouldn’t have gotten everything on the list.”  
“How could I get things that are that embarrassing!?” Akira’s face went completely pink.  
“How is getting Vitamin D embarrassing?” she tilted her head to the left.  
“Huh? You obviously wrote…” He handed her a piece of paper.  
“I don’t see anything wrong. Did you read it wrong?”  
“That’s not how you write Vitamin D!”  
“Then how do you write it?”  
“I’ll show you when we get home…”  
Hikaru cleared his throat. “But surely, you don’t need that many condoms… what are the rest for?”  
“Teaching Akira how to properly use, check, and put one on.”  
“What!?” Akira immediately protested.  
“And, of course, for my boyfriend and I to have some fun--”  
“What!!!?” Hikaru and Akira screeched in unison.  
“Making ourselves look like squidward.” She said with a completely straight face.  
“How can you say that with a straight face!?”  
“Wow… for being completely obsessed with Go, you two have dirtier minds than I do.”


	7. What The Hell?

It looked like I was in a hospital; judging by the white in the room. "Good, you're awake," a lady said. I tried to speak, but couldn't. "Blink once for yes and blink twice for no, ok?" I blinked once. "Your name's Shindo Hikaru?" I blinked twice. "May I talk to Hikaru-kun?" I blinked thrice. "Is that a yes or no?" I blinked thrice. "You don't know?" I blinked once. "Are your parents alive, sir?" I waited for a bit, not sure how to respond. I blinked thrice. She asked so many questions that I wished I was dead again.


	8. Romeo and Julius

“Obviously, 5-4 is a better move,” Shindo stated.  
“8-10 would be a much better move,” I replied as one of those anime veins popped out of my head.  
“What do you mean? Are you blind or something? 5-4 is the better move!”  
“No it's not!”  
“Yes it is!” I tossed a stone and he tossed another back at me. A rain of stones went both ways. “I hate you, Touya!”  
“Well, fuck you too, Shindou!” I yelled right back.  
“Well? Why haven't you fucked me yet? Maybe you're just a pussy!”  
“Oh yeah? How about I prove you wrong?”  
“Sure, let's go.”  
“My place?”  
“Sure.”  
“Alright, let's go. Ready to get fucked up?”  
“There's no way that you're going to beat me.”  
“And why do you say that?”  
“Cuz I'm more athletic than you.”  
“We'll see how well that translates.”  
We walked out of my father's Go-Salon and all the way to my place.

The next day, I skipped into the Go Association with a really tired Hikaru slowly tailing behind me. “May we stop? My hips hurt.” I rolled my eyes and simply picked him up, bridal style. “Hey! Akira! Put me down!”  
“No. I'm keeping my prize for winning.” Let's just say that Ogata was depressed for quite a while after he heard the news of what had happened last night.


	9. Questionable Sanity

I, the amazing and awesome Ogata Seiji, stood near one of the vents and lit a cigarette. “If there is anything that’s good, it’s Go and Shindou’s ass.” I thought as Shindou walked by. “Honestly, those shorts don’t serve his ass any justice.” I directed my gaze slightly down and kept a single eye on that ass. I decided that I had contributed enough to my slow destruction of my lungs and my development of lung cancer for the current moment; well… in reality, I just finished my cig. Returning to the main hall, I stuck a lollipop in my mouth so that, according to the Go Association, I seem more ‘Child Friendly’. I followed my pre-- er… Shindou just to keep looking at that ass of his, but also slightly curious about what he was doing.  
“Ogata-san, why are you following me?”  
“I wanted to play a game of Go with you.” I blurted the first excuse that came to mind.  
“Why?”  
“I want to see how much better you’ve gotten and to confirm something.”  
“Fine.” I followed him to an open table. “Nigiri, bastard.”

“Quit looking down on me.” Shindou complained.  
“I wouldn’t have to look down if you weren’t so damn short.” I retorted.  
“I wouldn’t have to look up to you if you weren’t so damn tall.”  
“You see me as a role model? I feel honoured.”  
“What do you want with me?” He asked, really irritated.  
“If you’re so irritated by being so short, learn to wear and walk in heels.” I sarcastically suggested.  
“You know what? I will.”  
“Ugh… at least let me drive you to a store and back to your house.” I let out an exasperated sigh.  
“And you better buy me dinner, since it’s so late.”  
“Fine.” I thought for a little and realized that my suggestion was actually very beneficial for me. If I suggested different clothes for him to wear and he wore heels, it would really accentuate his ass.


	10. Don't You Have Better Things To Do?

Ogata’s been a lot more unnerving than usual. He just keeps staring at my butt. He does it all the time. It doesn’t matter where or when, he’ll just stare… unless we’re playing a game of Go, then he just stares at my dick. “Hey Shindou-kun, has anyone told you that you have a really nice looking ass?”  
A shiver ran down my spine. “No… but don’t you have better things to do than to stare?”  
“Nope and how about we get some dinner after this and then head over to my place?” Ogata wiggled his eyebrows at me.  
“How about I report you to the police for sexually harassing a minor?”  
“How about I buy you ramen?”  
“Fine, but only ramen and I’m not getting in that flashy red sports car with you.” I noticed him staring at my butt, again. “And could you stop staring at my butt!”  
“Hm… no can do, I've never even seen a woman with an ass that nice.”  
I decided that now was a good time to kick Ogata in balls and run for the hills. Even while he was on the ground, holding his manhood out of sheer pain, he stared at my butt.


	11. If Only...

Ogata was standing outside of the Go Association, casually having a smoke. He looked into the night sky and watched as miniscule snowflakes drifted to the ground. He let out a heavy sigh and finished his cigarette. “If only I had actually gotten Hikaru a present for Christmas…” He went back inside the Go Association. “Or for Valentines day or even for his birthday.” A sad smile came to the surface of his face. “But I know that I can never break this character that I’ve built up, even if I want to.” A single tear fell from his eye.


	12. Cigarettes

He ran out of cigarettes. That was his second pack today. He resorted back to his childhood habit: nail biting. He was nervously pacing back and forth, biting his nails and he was drawing everyone’s attention, making everything worse than before. “What if he doesn’t like the present I got him… or…” His mind went on and spiraled into an anxiety attack and a trip to the hospital. He hoped his love interest would come see if he was ok, but he didn’t. Nobody came to see him, he was just not liked. He was just the horrible Ogata Seiji.


End file.
